Ways To Lose Your Coolness
by DualSoul H99
Summary: Are you a DWMA student? Or associated with the academy in some way? Well, you can learn the rules and be cool, Or get the boot and lose your cool. Join the Soul Eater crew as they teach you all. (Story in testing grounds.)


**WAYS TO LOSE YOUR COOLNESS**

**DISCLAIMER: . .EATER. (*caveman_ *)**

**Chapter 1: (1 to 5)**

There are many ways to lose your stance, your dignity, your reputation... or as Soul called it: Coolness. Are you a DWMA student? Well, you should know these rules. You can always lose your coolness-

**1. When you make an awkward pick-up line.**

Ox Ford had a dark past. This was long before he enrolled in DWMA. He always fell in love with some girl. But, he was always rejected.

He had nothing wrong, had he? He had confessed to them in the most romantic of ways. But why didn't the girls accept him? Every time he fell in love, he confessed. And every time he confessed, he was rejected. Each rejection doused his passion a little. By the time he enrolled in DWMA, he got tired of it all. He shaved his head. Studied lots.

He gave up on love...

And then 'she' came.

Kim...

Kim ignited his lost passion for love, in a way that gave him goosebumps. He knew that he had never fallen for anyone so strongly before.

His decision was made. He had to get Kim.

He decided to start normally at first. Use no tactic. Come out simple.

"Hey, Kim... Will you go out with me?"

"No. Now scram."

He didn't give up. His passion just burnt brighter. He had to try again. A more... 'Adult-like' saying would do...

Or so he thought.

A few weeks later...  
"Hey, Kim."

A bored, deadpan look greeted him back. He didn't back down.

"I'm like your Ferrari, cuz you can ride me anytime." Casual smirk.

Kim blinked once.

Twice.

* * *

Harvar looked up from his book and acknowleded his meister come in through the door of their dorm.

"What took you so long?"

Ox looked at him blankly.

"Oh nothing. Just found out about some shades of red I didn't know existed, is all."

A mere look at Ox's face, that had a red imprint of a hand on one cheek, said it all. He needed not question his meister.

Harvar looked down, and shook his head.

"I feel sorry for you, man."

"...Screw you, Harvar."

* * *

**XOXO**

* * *

**2. When you bring candy everywhere.**

Kilik had an unusual reputation. Due to having two weapons who were practically toddlers, his grandma sent him a lot of bar-chocolates by mail.

Every week.

It bothered him and everybody at first, and also Kid (As there were 87 bars on the second week), but they got used to it. He keeps one third of the candy his grandma sends for himself and the twin weapons, which is more than enough.

The rest?

He sells them. Black Star and Soul ate the chocolate one day, both loved them. One said how cool they were and the other kept shouting about how he could temporarily abandon his status as 'god' just to eat them.

Ka-ching.

He wore baggy clothes and always had chocolate with him, stuffed in his pockets. For sale, of course. He even took them to the shower, the toilet, the classroom... And even on missions.

That brings us to another event.

-(MONTHS LATER)-

Kishin Asura made a barrier that he could 'sleep' in, to recover all his strength. Maka, Kid, Black Star and only their weapons made it through the barrier before it closed, from the inside and out. The students waited quietly for Soul's piano, for their Chain Resonance.

But they were surprised to hear... footsteps.

Kilik came into view, with his weapons on both sides of him.  
"Hey, I got candy. You want some?"

Everyone just stared at him, surprised. The Kishin faced him and gave off a deafening scream, as if telling him to die. Kilik just stood there, unfazed. His eyes glinted as he brought out his trump card.

"I've got Hershley's Kisses. A lot of 'em. In a bag. Sure you don't want it?"

Everyone's mouth just dropped even further, if it were possible, when the Kishin just walked right up to him and began to take the bag and asked, "How much?"

"50 bucks should do, cuz I'm giving you a discount."

The Kishin had no money. He pointed the fact out to Kilik.

The candy-dealer just scratched his head and then folded his arms.

"Then you'll have to pay with something you value."

"Uhh... My most valuable thing right now is my soul. How about that?"

"Sure, as long as you follow grandma's rules: Always pay your gratitude if you receive candy."

The Kishin nodded, sat down, and opened the bag of candy. He ate them like a child would do, in a similar situation. Everyone stayed frozen. They just stared. Kilik waited. After finishing,the Kishin licked his fingers and bought out his weapon. He stabbed himself in the heart and exploded.  
His red kishin soul floated in the middle and a lot of blue ones floated randomly in all directions. The barrier went down.

Everybody decided to go with the flow, as Kilik stood with a smirk in front of the kishin soul.

From then onwards, Kilik was known as the warrior who defeated the Kishin... With candy.

...But he couldn't have done it without his grandma.

* * *

**XOXO**

* * *

**3. When you snap at a zombie.**

Sid walked proudly into the classroom. Soul got annoyed, simply looking at him. The zombie had to take their class.

"Today, we're going to learn about conversion of kishin souls. Beings with normal souls evolve into beings with kishin souls when they start to eat normal souls. This is a slow process. You already know this. So, today we're going to study the process in depth. Many of you may think that I have a kishin soul. But you're wrong. I have a normal soul. I had a normal soul even when I was alive. Good natured and uncorrupted. That's the kind of man I was."

Soul's eyebrow twitched at that particular line. It always irritated him to hear it. He got angry, but figured out a way to ignore it, and drown out the zombie's voice. Every other student in the class, however, listened to him. Some talked with their partners, and some slept, wile the rest listened attentively, taking notes. Like Maka would do if she wasn't absent cuz of her 'girl problems'.

If Maka were present, he would've chatted with her to keep his mind off the 'damn zombie'. He decided to think about something else.

Even though he blocked out the voice, the occasional line of 'what kind of man I was' could be heard every once in a while. It set off a mini bomb in Soul's head every time it was said. For the twenty third time in fifteen minutes, he was saying that line. (he was annoyed enough to count)

"...That's the kind of man I wa-"

Soul cut him off, slamming his bench with his left hand and transformed his right hand into a scythe, standing up.

"Enough is enough. I've had just about ENOUGH of your shit." He screamed, while everyone, even Sid, stared, open mouthed. "That was the kind of man you WERE. If you say that one more time, do you know what kind of man you ARE going to be?"

No one could react. The silence brought a strange sense of suspense.

...

...

...

"...A. MAN. WITH. MY. SCYTHE. SHOVED. UP. HIS. ASS."

"SOUL! Detention! Now get to the Death room."

"IT WAS WORTH IT!"

On his way to the Death room, he smirked, recalling how visibly pale the zombie had become, once he heard his threat.

"He's not gonna be sayin that anytime soon..."

* * *

**XOXO**

* * *

**4. When you get a song stuck in your head for a very long time.**

Morning.

Soul was idly surfing the web and listening to some jazz. Sometimes, he tried blues, sometimes classical, and sometimes rock. He listened to many kinds of music, just 'to understand the diversity of it', or so he said to himself. Today, he wanted to listen to something that was popular in mainstream media, aka the Internet. 'Youtube' to be exact...

"Lets see... Cat video, cat video, cat video, another cat video, cat playing the piano, Chuck Norris's cat, cat video... Why the fuck are there so many cat videos?...Oh, found one."

Soul clicked the link and the video player showed up. He kept the music running in the background, cuz he was in it for the music, not a damn video.  
He had to admit... The song was pretty good and catchy. It wasn't long before the song is stuck in his head. He fell right into a trap without even knowing.

After an hour or two, when it was time for breakfast, Maka had to set up the table, as it was Soul's turn to cook. She was putting the empty plates on the table while something grasped her attention.

Humming. A nice melody floated in the air. The volume was quite damp, due to the sizzling of whatever Soul was cooking on the frypan.  
Maka went to discover the source of the music. It was not long before she found it, however. The song was being hummed by Soul, who had his back turned to Maka, oblivious to her presence. He was frying eggs.

Maka, being a bookworm, did not recognize the popular song Soul hummed. She just stood there, mouth slightly agape and eyes wide, like a curious child, as she tried to listen to the song better. It was not that Maka loved the song. Its just that Soul never sang, or hummed in her presence. That alone got Maka attentive.

Before long, she was aware that the eggs were almost done. Soul stopped humming. She entered the kitchen casually, and told him that the table was set.

Soul merely nodded in response. After Soul and Maka had fixed their breakfast, they sat down to eat them. They kept an idle conversation going, about their assignments and day's plans.

Before long, both finished and got ready for school. They headed to DWMA. Maka chose to forget the sight of Soul humming.

Even if she did so, she was not aware that the song was still stuck in her head.

Maka and Soul went to their class. They reached there first, as they got there early. Maka excused herself to go to the bathroom and Soul was alone in the classroom. He never saw the class like this... So deserted...

Suddenly, he had the impulse to sing. He went upto the teacher's desk and stood atop it, while holding the board-duster in one hand as a mike. He made a cool pose and started singing that same song.

"Hey, I just met you

And this is crazy

But here's my number

So call me maybe."

With that, he continued. He had hit the exact notes and his volume was proper, so it was pleasant to listen to. And with that pose, he looked cool.

He was being cool, he thought.

But he was wrong.

To make matters seem worse, he stopped to the sound of a muffled snicker. He turned his head lazily and saw Maka, standing at the door, trying best to control her laughter.

She couldn't. Breaking into a fit of laughter was her only choice. Soul felt awkward, being put in such a situation. Maka finally apologised for laughing and Soul held a grudge like a 5 year old.

The students came in and slowly, the day passed by. Soul had an embarrassing experience already. He didn't want to have another.  
Maka also pretended like it didn't happen. But she got a laugh out of it on her own, occasionally.

Soul had that song stuck in his head for a month.

He'd hum it, catch himself and recover.

After several months, Soul had the problem fixed. He forgot the tune. He swore to never play that song again.

-(ONE DAY...)-

"Hey, Soul. The music man, look." Kilik said, holding up his iPod.

Soul glared at the nickname and Kilik got the message.

"Okay, I wont call you that again. Just listen to this. I just want you to tell me which of these three tracks you think is cool." He said, lending him the earphones as he selected the songs.

First played a Korean song.

"Oppa Gangnam Style" These were the only words he was able to make out. But he liked the song, despite the fact that he didn't understand Korean.  
"This is pretty good... Now what's next?"

Then a song of Justin Beiber played. Midway, he looked horrified, and hurriedly set the earphones down, pointing at them accusingly and insanely.  
"THIS IS BLASPHEMY! IN THE NAME OF MUSIC."

Kilik merely nodded in understanding, as if he agreed. Then he changed to the next song. Soul put the earphones back on reluctantly, and motioned for Kilik to play. Kilik complied.

"...I threw a wish in the well.

Don't ask me I'll never tell.

I looked to you as it fell.

And now you're in my way..."

He didn't notice the familiar song. But midway...

"Hey I just met you

And this is crazy

But here's my number.

So call me maybe."

"NOOOOooOOOO!"

* * *

**XOXO**

* * *

**5. When you obsess over crap. Literally.**

While Soul peacefully listened to music on his iPod, Black Star and Kid were engrossed in a topic of conversation that others would think disgusting. But to them, it meant bragging to one and a life or death matter to the other.

"I'm telling you, I was in the toilet and taking care of my need to poop. I was making a symmetrical shape when suddenly Liz screamed for me to get down for breakfast..." Kid had no shame, it seemed, when he was talking about all this. Then his expression changed into that of a hopeless lover losing the love of his life, crying. "It was hoooorrrriiibbbblleee! My effort of half an hour... Destroyed. The perfect symmetry... Ruined." Kid's crying turned from shaky sobs to full fledged wailing.

Black Star was looking at Kid, who was talking about something about 'why was everyone so cruel to him' and 'how an edge of the "eight" he was making got ruined, thanks to Liz'. The self-proclaimed god simply crossed his arms and nodded. Then he smirked.

"Don't worry, Kid. I don't worry about symmetry in my case. I always try hard. So my ones are BIG. A big star like ME should take BIG shits." He then laughed out loud, like always. The girls had long abandoned the three boys to go shopping. So, the boys were not worrying if the topic of conversation was utterly gross.

Sudden realization dawned on them both.

They both turned to look at Soul, who was still oblivious to the conversation. He was sitting lazily on a nearby couch and listened to his iPod, while scribbling off music notes on a piece of paper.

"Mine is BIG. And yours is symmetrical... What about Soul?"

"Lets ask him then."

The shameless duo nudged Soul's shoulder and asked the question.

Unfortunately, Soul took off the earphones at the wrong time and heard only part of the question, "...how is your one like."

Soul did not ask to repeat their question, cuz that's not something cool guys do. He understood that they were asking about a possession of his, not sure what. He simply put his headphones on, and answered.

"Guys, remember. Whatever I have, do or take, everythin is 'Cool'." He emphasised the 'cool' part.

Black Star said that Soul probably misheard their question. And Kid agreed. They decided not asking him again.

-(LATER THAT NIGHT...)-

"MAKA! THE TOILET'S FROZEN...AGAIN." Soul screamed from inside of the bathroom.

"Oh damn, did Blair drop ice in there again?" Maka said quietly, being aware that the neighbours might complain about the noise so late at night.

"Yeah. I guess so." Soul said quietly too, getting the unspoken warning.

-(MEANWHILE...)-

Black Star was passing by Maka and Soul's home, when suddenly he heard the short, yet loud speech of Soul. He paused to listen.

"Oh... Shit. I think he was being serious."

* * *

**XOXO**

* * *

**I know. Just some coffee, some good weather, and this is born. Then I decided to go serious. Read and Review, guys. Tell me if I should continue. X3**

**A visit to your Grandma's House means you're fat now T^T**  
**Sincerely**  
**DualSoulH99**


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